7
Dec

Fuckstrology: Shag-ittarius

ArtemisArtemis- Here is your Sagittarius soundtrack (Yes, Saggo, she is one of your tribe.  Explains a lot, doesn’t it?)

Who doesn’t want to go on a journey with Saggo the explorer?  They have that gleam fire signs possess all too often.  You know, that devilish smile and a twinkle in their eye.  This is often most evident in individuals with a Saggo Ascendant.  These people come off as winners, even when they are huge fucking losers (and that, my friends, explains almost every single fling I have had with Sagittarius ruled individuals).  But hey, sometimes the fantasy is hot.  Everyone wants to bang a winner; even someone who just plays one in the theater of your life.

You always know when a Sagg is into you.  Saggo has no time for mind games, so if they like you they will let you know.  Sagg also doesn’t give a fuck about who you think they are.  They are either too up in the clouds to give a fuck, or on to their next adventure before they I have noticed that Sagg is not afraid to make the first move or ask for your number or buy you that drink.

BORING” is a common Saggo saying.  Another common saying?  “I need space.”  Saggo will run if things gets too serious too quickly (unless they have some heavy Taurus in their chart or some shit).  To keep them hooked as a sexual partner, you’re going to need to have a bag of tricks and an active imagination.  It’s the journey with Saggo, not the destination, so they aren’t usually concerned with your orgasm count as much as they are with the overall experience.  They love sex that emerges spontaneously – in the kitchen, in you car, as the elevator doors close.  Make sure to bring in adventurous fantasies to stir them up (they love fantasy just as much as Pisces or Libra).

Speaking of fantasies, half of a Sagg is always having a indigo child moment – head up in the clouds or in a puff of smoke (very much like Pisces, who is also ruled by Jupiter).  They are constantly in search of an eternally jovial state where life is just skateboarding, gold stickers and eating thin slice pizza.  Unfortunately they find out that the real world is crowded subways, caffeine addiction, and cold pizza (which is still pretty good, but still).  This is when they run.  The part of the body that Saggo rules is the legs, and for this very fucking reason.  It is common for people to think that it is commitment that Saggo runs from.  Oh no, it is not commitment.  They love the slow, building, journey aspect that comes with commitment.  What they really fear is intensity.  They will run at the first sign of intensity like no other sign in the Zodiac.   “Why can’t I just fucking live my life?  I just want to travel the world and experience all the cultures and eat all the foods and take all the drugs!”  They want to feel light, wild and free, and your deep, drilling intensity is not their fucking cup of tea.  Don’t startle them.  They are like wild horses (in bed too); here for a moment to graze and then on to greener pastures because you’re too god damn loud.

If an individual is a Saggo rising, they have Gemini at their declination.  This means their 7th house (the house of partnership) is ruled by Gemini, and they approach their love making through the intellect.  Saggo cannot make the body connection without the brain being turned on.  It doesn’t matter how smoldering hot you are, Saggo would rather daydream at the bar than come home with you.  An intellectual conversation is foreplay with Saggo.

Most of the Saggo I have had experience with have been Sagg Rising, Moon or Sagg Venus (never a Sagg Sun).  I tend to absolutely love their energy at first.  Every Sagg rising I have meet has come off like the star of their very own super hero tv show.  They get me swept up in their dreams and expansive imagination until I realize that they are completely fucking full of hot air.  For a person like me with Mercury in Capricorn, I can only take so much of Saggo’s talks about the future before destroying it with talks of the present.  There is just no reaching Saggo sometimes, and a less evolved Saggo isn’t even there with you during sex.  Earth to Sagittarius, you are mid intercourse, please return to your body….  And this criticism is coming from a total air head Aquarius.  But fuck it does take a long time to figure out the bad Sagittarians.  They all come off as the dashing good guy, so if they are pieces of shit you’ll be swept up in a romance before figuring that one out.  Use caution because this lot glamours hard.

Approach them with extreme enthusiasm!  Talk about big topics.  Saggo loves big ideas, philosophical musings, and wild fantasies.  They will have you in a great mood almost instantly, and their comedic personalities make laughing into bed quite an easy thing with them.

Thumbnail-HeliosHelios– Oh HELL YES! Its finally time for Shag-ittarius! Now, I am biased as Sagittarius is my opposite sign (and my rising sign!) and therefore they have the best chemistry with me, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Saggo is the best lay in the zodiac (sorry Aries!). Allow me to back that audacious claim up. For one thing, Sagittarius rules bombast and audacity, so how could I resist stirring that pot? Anyways, sex with Saggo is just great. Beyond that, Saggos are just plain FUN, in and out of the bedroom- not to mention they are always doing something, planning their next big adventure! They believe wholeheartedly in the magic of life, and always try to see the very best in those around them while actualizing it in themselves. Sagittarius is athletic, full of optimism and passionate. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that?

Now I have a long and storied history with this sign. When I started being aware of signs and all that, shortly after highschool (stay tuned for Helios’ origin story in the Capricorn edition!) I realized my very best friend in the world was a Sagittarius. She was a lesbian, and we were inseparable. We did everything together and there was a real love there, a trust and connection we didn’t find in anyone else. She was special, and helped me understand myself and the world better, at a time when I really had no idea what made either tick. Our friendship continued after high school, and survived some rocky moments- but what it couldn’t survive was crossing that emotional line. One night when we had gone out to party at our usual spot, someone slipped something in her drink, unbeknownst to either of us, and we shared it like we shared everything else. One thing led to another and we ended up releasing years’ worth of pent up emotion that night, going at each other like animals. Our friendship imploded after that, because there was no coming back after crossing that line, even though it wasn’t really either of our faults. That experience, while shitty, served to wake me up out of my chaotic mess of a life at that stage and get myself together. I hope that she is happy.

A much more positive story happened when my work assigned me to a position across the country, out of the blue. I was expected to just pack up and move to California essentially overnight. So there I was in a place where I knew literally NO ONE, in this crazy experience and living a lifestyle I had only dreamed about. After I got settled, I started getting cabin fever (since I was essentially an indentured servant there and couldn’t leave) and was looking for some distractions on those “dating” apps everybody loves to hate on so much. I found this really cute twink and we started talking, hit it off, and I invited him to come hang out in my hot tub (I mean, the job did have some perks!); one thing led to another and then I was informed that the place I was living had outdoor cameras! What might have just been a one-time hookup turned into more- We had a connection, and developed it during my time there- plus the sex was fantastic! We saw each other through a lot of struggles and challenges, but always had time for each other. The adventures we went on there opened my eyes and showed me what life could be, if I wanted to make it that way. Even when we were just watching our favorite shows together, it was great. Sure, I wasn’t his only one, but it didn’t matter- he always made me feel like I was when we were together. It helped that he was away from his family and friends too, we were both refugees! During this time he took a similar job to what I was doing, only his place was a clothing optional men’s resort! This led to him doing porn, and realizing the challenges that come with that world. We continued to help each other right up until I was suddenly called back, after a year in paradise. I had to leave him behind, but the love and friendship is most definitely still there, and I left knowing I had made a lifelong connection!

Seriously, no matter which Saggo I bring back to my memory, its all really, really great sex. Like, just the best. The chemistry with them is just so easy, so free-flowing… they bring out a part of you that makes you feel just as jazzed about the world and life as they are. Sagittarius, despite being a later sign, has an extremely youthful air and powerful energy. They believe nothing is impossible, and if you let them, they might just make you see that for yourself!

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