Mercury Retrograde- Tongue Tied

“Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say.”Charles Caleb Colton

Effective Dates: April 10th- May 4th 2017 (In Shadow May 5-21st)

Helios– Oh, it’s so hard when you have the right words to say, but the wrong ones wont stop getting in the way… That’s right, Heretics, Mercury is about to join Venus, Jupiter and Saturn in going Retrograde (Followed closely by Pluto, but I think four planets going backwards in the sky above us is enough for today, don’t you?)! I know, it feels like we JUST had a Mercury Retrograde, because we did! He rocketed through the signs to give us even more retrograde fun, because apparently he thinks we need more. *heavy sigh*

Angela, please call my attorney- I want to take out a restraining order on him.

For those who are new to this whole game, Mercury (Planet of Ideas, Communication, Siblings; Liars, Merchants, Thieves, Lawyers and Con Men) is going retrograde. This means that from our position on Terra Firma, it looks like the planet is actually moving backwards in the sky! Obviously this is impossible, and just an optical illusion, but astrologically this has some extremely annoying effects on our day-to-day life (He rules that too); Common wisdom during this time says things like not signing contracts or traveling unless you absolutely have to… that sort of thing. While these are good guidelines, there is always more to his story than just the base layer.

He will be starting his journey in Taurus, but will be moving through most of it in Aries- So he starts off plodding and ends up sprinting, the opposite of the Tortoise and the Hare from Aesop’s famous story. This changes what we have to avoid, what we should do instead. Mercury Retrograde is never a time for patience to come easily, but with it being in Aries, you will need to work twice as hard at keeping your cool and not jumping off the handle. This will be made even harder due to the influence of Mars (Planet of Action, War, Energy and Aggression) entering the sign where Mercury rules: Gemini. Since Mars rules the sign of Aries, where Mercury is transiting, this leads to a phenomenon called Mutual Reception, where energy flows between the two bastards much easier than it normally would. Think of it like they swapped apartments for a month, but are still meeting up to bro out, and hard. Like that one movie… *googles* The Holiday! Think of that, but bro-ier- And these two are the BIGGEST bros in the zodiac. Personally, I love it but I’ve been told that It’s an acquired taste.

So, we have to watch our tempers and our patience, as we are liable to jump off the handle without warning. Also, we have to not jump into anything new now- Businesses, get rich quick schemes, relationships, drug deals… You name it- Get it up and running before the retrograde or wait until after. While he is in Aries, Mercury has the annoying habit of rushing in on pure excitement and chutzpah, and not bothering to work out the details or nitty-gritty aspects of his ideas. With everything else on the line with the other Retrogrades, this can easily lead to ruin. Another annoying habit of this transit is to believe that you need to do everything on your own, taking on too much- This obviously leads to failure and burnout, not to mention mistrust between partners, but it is also an insidious form of self-sabotage. On some level, you feel that you don’t deserve success, and so you take on more and more until you do feel deserving. This must be avoided; You’ve put too much work in to turn back now.

Indeed, Mercury Retrograde will have you question absolutely everything about yourself, your life direction, and how you have failed miserably in your pathetic excuse of an existence- And that is just a normal transit! With the other planets retrograde as well, this is only exacerbated. These guys will have us questioning the worth of you, your girlfriend, your parents, your country… hell, when Pluto goes, he’ll ask us about the purpose of our whole damn species! I sure don’t want to be the one to field THAT one…. Anyways, sign no documents, duct tape your mouth, and make all decisions by committee and you should be fine.

Artemis- (Cards: 8 of Swords, Temperance, Magician)- Well, remember what we told you about Mercury in Aries? Yeah, well you avoided some shit, and now Mercury is backtracking through for a review. Like an editor who wont publish you without your following some certain guidelines, Mercury is going to show you exactly where you failed to speak your mind with the force of properly articulated arguments. Yeah, all those impassioned screaming fests and quick tempered snap backs are coming to bite you in the ass… And all those passive aggressive jabs are about to get a taste of towering confrontation. This transit wants you to double back and make those confrontations you chickened out of because Aries isn’t a goddamn coward. What? Did cowardice have your tongue?

With a Full Moon in Libra coming at us a after this retrograde begins, we will be called to become diplomats – conflict resolving in a time when all we want to do is deck the fucker in the face.  Keep your cool, Heretics, even though keeping your cool will be an absolute impossibility during this transit.  I recommend an intense meditation practice during these weeks, and with that intense meditation an intense contemplation.  Why are you flying off the handle now?  Should you have dealt with these issues when you had the chance – instead of running from them? Would that have kept you from exploding like a fucking volcano from the slightest provocation?

The thing is, you blinded yourself.  You chose not to see certain things or at the very least painted them in some sort of positive light so that you could continue on living in your life. Unfortunately, when you plug a leak it doesn’t vanish – it eventually gets bigger. Now we are about to have 5 planets in retrograde and the cosmic powers that be want you to realize that you can never truly gloss things over.  Mercury retrograding from Taurus into Aries will be a gradual build of anger.  At first, you will feel perturbed that you have to deal with this shit AGAIN, but the annoyances will continue building.  Unresolved shit will continue to tower over you until you want to decimate everything for the sake of quelling your anger.  

Ah, but these issues have always been there, Heretics! The anger should actually be directed at YOU not at them, for they showed their true colors the first time and you decided to take the “high road.”  Boundaries and tough love are necessary, and when Mercury loops backwards into Aries, the tough words will not be able to be stopped.  I recommend you resolve your issues ASAP with people so that you don’t rain blood all over them during this transit. Sure, raining blood on them will resolve the issue once and for all, but then you’ll have to deal with the fact that you’ve burned bridges for good. Learn your lesson the first time, because the second time is never as nice, and the third time makes you seem like a goddamn fool.

Expect a lot of hotheadedness from everyone around you – snappy come backs and general war mood during the entirety of this transit. People will speak their mind for once but it wont be pretty. It’s not going to be an easy transit for those with thin skin, so build yourself some defenses or find an emotional outlet for all the slights. Shit will go awry seemingly out of nowhere, and with Uranus/Eris combo not too far away from Mercury when he enters Aries again, the chaos of Mercury retrograde will become magnified. So fix all your leaks. There are those that don’t necessarily have your best interests in mind, and there is no way you will be able to ignore this anymore. You are going to need to take action to take your power back, whether it is on your terms or Mercury’s terms.     

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