“Always keep your foes confused. If they don’t know who you are or what you want, they can’t know what you plan to do next.” – Petyr Baelish, Game of Thrones
Effective dates: April 22nd- June 6th, 2017
Helios– OH GOOD. If it wasn’t enough with the rest of the astro-fuckery happening right now, in walks THIS asshole, trying to sell us some snake oil or Advocare supplements (“All the celebrities are trying it!”). Ugh. Well, if nothing else, the planet of Action, Energy and Vitality will be way more fun for most of us than he was in lazy Taurus. I mean, if you are fond of cocaine, that is…
Mars done right is a RUSH (No, not the poppers, boys. Settle down) and this is especially true while he is in Gemini. Of course, since it’s Gemini it will be a mental rush, but there’s more to it than just firing your cylinders to 11 and overclocking your personal CPU- Mars is actually what has been missing from our little astrological arrangement. With Venus, Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn all retrograde, we have all these Titans crashing about in the sky, demanding the universe but unable to discern their head from their ass- and Mercury who usually handles everything and cleans up their messes, has had enough and is finally taking a well-earned vacation from their bullshit. So basically its all in meltdown mode. Enter Mars in Gemini, as a temp hire to try and keep the ship from going completely under- a fresh faced kid out of college and completely unprepared for anything he has to now deal with.
Right now, you feel like Mars- Subject to the whims and wishes of forces outside your control, and just having to make the best of it. These retrogrades can get the best of any of us, and make us feel incredibly powerless. While Mars is maligned because he is not easy like Venus or Jupiter, he is perfect for the hard times because he gives us the strength we need to keep going when we want to give up. Mars is courage, ballsiness and chutzpah- and right now, when we don’t have a clear vision to move forward? Pure ballsiness and bloody-minded grit is all we have to go on, even if we have to white-knuckle our way through them.
Yet somehow, even though Mars is out of his depth, he is able to step up and take on the world, and WIN. Mars can help you overcome any obstacle, and Gemini gives you the twin gifts of adaptability and lack of care in any one thing (allowing you to jump between them at will): The combination is exactly what is necessary with all that is going on right now in the sky. The malefic that is Mars: the Villain, steps back into his true role as Mars Ultor: The Victor, The Hero.
Or at least that’s what he’s selling us on anyway.
Artemis (Cards: 5 of Swords, 10 of Swords, 3 of Wands)- Welcome to your lengthy injection of bipolar tendencies, brought to you by the guy who just sold you something you definitely didn’t need, Mars in Gemini! This is a high energy transit, but first it will be making you feel nutty as fuck because he will be in opposition to Daddy Saturn, who is hanging out at the tail end of Saggo (in retrograde, might I add!). As he inches backwards, Mars will inch forward, and their annoying little dance will make you really learn what it means to be manic depressive. One minute you will be flying high, excited about every little goddamn thing that enters your life – in that weird way where everyone tells you that you really need to calm the fuck down because you’re creeping people out, and the next minute (probably literally the very next minute) you will want to shut everyone out and go on a murder spree.
It wont be pretty, and it surely wont be helpful in the macro sense considering what is going on globally. This Mars is volatile. He is your friend one minute, and then stabs you in the back with your most precious secrets the next. Loyalty will be a thing of the past (especially with Juno being retrograde during this transit), so be careful what you reveal as you have no idea who is actually your friend – and who is just a slick as fuck narcissist. This is the sort of Mars that makes people join cults – drinking the koolaid and isolating their friends because their guru deems it the only way to get to the light.
Yes, this is the douche-bag businessman who doesn’t really give a flying fuck about you. He is so wrapped up in himself and his ego that he couldn’t possibly see how using information you have given him could seriously hurt you and your community; how his actions can be irreparable for his short term gain (talk about bad business planning). Just a simple sorry and a slap on the back and he thinks he is in your good graces. But this Mars in Gemini just can’t think in the long term. Oh fuck no. His energy is so chaotic that only the present moment and it’s pleasures mean anything to him – only satisfying his quick temper and his swiftly changing opinions matter. This Mars wont actually fight you – oh no – he doesn’t actually have the capacity to win in a fist fight. This is the Mars who will fuck your entire life up with viscous words and rumors. Have you ever seen a stock broker in a fist fight? I bet not. He destroys your life through wit and wager. Beware of passive aggressive enemies during this transit as they will be far more in their element.
But Saturn is there to keep Mars’ energy in check. The Lord of Karma is retrograde, but that doesn’t mean he will forget or that he isn’t secretly “wire tapping” your life – taking immaculate notes. Yeah, kinda like a celestial Santa Claus with a scythe. Once he goes direct, he will throw all of the karma of this transit right back at us. Saturn in Saggo wants you to practice what you preach, and this Mars in Gemini energy is far from that. It’s a free for all right now, Heretics, as quite a number of the planets have turned inward so that we may develop ourselves. That also means that those with bad intentions are more able than ever to demonstrate those intentions. What do the Christians say? God helps those who help themselves, and that will be more important than ever right now.
If anything, this transit will give you the mental capacity to make your plans – and to do all the shit you need to do – especially after Mars gets out of orb with Saturn at the start of this transit. We’ll get a Mars trine Neptune during this transit, meaning it will be easier than usual to weave that spell of deception over a populace or your enemies. It will also be easier than usual to do your art, and your motivation for it will definitely skyrocket. That trine in particular will give you the overreaching creative vision that you crave. It may also be a spiritual epiphany for some, showing them through vision what Saturn in Saggo has been preaching for years now – again, to practice what you preach. It will meld mind with heart, and that in itself could either create a powerful cult leader or a wondrous prophet.
So you can use this transit a few ways; to be a deceptive piece of shit, to be deceived by some piece of shit, or to meticulously weave your grand plan with 1000x more processing speed. Your choice, Heretics. In the end, the planets may influence, but it is your free will to do with the energy what you wish.