“Only in darkness are we revealed… Goodness is not goodness that seeks advantage- Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit; without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis.”
Effective Dates: December 9th, 2018- July 9th, 2019
Helios’ Astrological Angle for Chiron back on his bullshit– Welcome, Heretics, to the gauntlet! This is where the Heroes rise above the zeroes, and its all thanks to the dark designs of Chiron, lonely centaur “teacher” (read: Sadist and torturer) who is insecure about being an immortal horse-man hybrid. Prick. Now, the last we left Chiron, he left the door open into hell so we could go back in after leaving behind the whole reason we were sent there in the first place– This time we have to get out, all over again. Now if that sounds like the hackneyed sequel to a failing movie franchise or a tired and rehashed Supernatural plotline, you’re right! Still, we kind of have to do this- The alternative isn’t worth mentioning.
Every Hero needs to escape from Hell. It’s integral to the lore. First, we descend, then we escape- That’s how it goes. Typically there is some lesson learned along the way, or secret prophecy/deus ex machina to resolve the story, but in this story, there is a treasure to be reclaimed- Your own soul. See, here’s the thing: You did the work, you honestly have- and it has been HARD. Impossible even. Unfortunately, getting out intact will be even harder. You’re exhausted, I know- I am too. The kind of tired where you close your eyes just for a second, breathe, and have to wonder if you ever want to open your eyes ever again. Getting to this point, this complete and healed identity after doing the work has DRAINED everything you have. You were told it was worth the trade-off, and that it would pay off at the end, but no one expected the enormous weight of your burden weighing on your soul, increasing in gravity with every step you try to take out of the darkness.
So what can we do? Is there only suffering ahead, even after ALL of the work that was done? The short answer is yes, off fucking course, the long answer is… it depends on what you do now. This will be a test, one of faith. You are going to want to shluff off any other piece of you to make it out with that one tiny bit of you that you tried to reclaim (which of course defeats the entire point of the exercise) and make any deal that can get you out, no matter how bad. This is not the way. Have you forgotten this whole journey? It was to reintegrate yourself holistically. You have to take all your disparate fragments of soul and fragments of consciousness and then mash them back together in a way that makes you a functional being again. You were broken before this started, remember? You did this to recover. This was your choice, rather than live without purpose or fulfillment. Now that you’ve reached the end of that process, the last thing to come back is the pain, the guilt, the grief and the loss. The first things you tried to remove are the last to return, and you need to make your peace with them once and for all- And you cannot do so by trying to get rid of them, oh no. You can only do this by feeling them, and then you keep feeling them. Forever. You need to find a way to live with your worst and most painful emotions.
While we’re on the subject, this will be a test of how much of your identity is built on that pain, or more likely avoiding it. How much do you still identify with what has been done to you, the wrongs you have endured? Guess what, that’s not going to fly anymore. You need to leave behind the masks and personas and victim identity that you lug around to hide behind in order not to do any deeper self-work. Stop identifying your identity with your trauma. Reclaim who you are underneath your scars and come out from your own shadow. Remember who you are. The key to all of this will be the reconnection with your deeper self, not just the egoic persona you use to get around in the mundane world. After all, the cracks are showing on THAT anyway.
The closer you get to the goal, the more you are going to want to stop and collapse. Push through anyway. You are going to want to take your own life to make the pain stop, surrendering to the abyss and the peace of death- Don’t. Otherwise this will all have been for nothing. You’re going to lose faith in everything you have built your life on and forget your motivation for doing all of this. Remember that this was YOUR idea after all. This is what you wanted, this is the end result. This is you healed, and healing is tough. Most importantly, what has been healed cannot be un-healed, healing is permanent. This is you now. This is who you are. You HAVE to love who you are now, in all of your messy ass glory, because otherwise…. what was the point?
Suffer through to the finish line, break through and break out- back into the light. Your life is waiting for you, on the other side.
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